Today is the first day
after finishing phase 1 of my first project, The Year of the Gav
(TYOTG)
I feel strangely numb
and empty I'm twiddling my thumbs looking for something to do
I know I still have a
long way to go with TYOTG but at the moment it feels as if I've
achieved nothing.
Whilst I was writing
TYOTG I would look forward to working the late shift, it would allow
me the morning to; get up, prepare for the day (breakfast etc) and
set my target to leave the flat by midday, to get 2 hours of writing
done before the bus to work arrived.
I found a great coffee
shop over looking the high-street but more importantly, the bus stop.
Even better than that, the coffee came with a free refill, £1.65 for
2 mugs, definitely the best value in Woking.
Once out of the flat my
day would be as follows; Get to the coffee shop at 12-ish, get first
mug of coffee, get an hour-ish of writing done, second cup then the
second writing hour-ish. Bus would arrive at 2-ish. My day was like
clockwork.
Today my clockwork
stopped.
I woke up, as I used
to, did breakfast, as I used to, caught up with news, sport & How
I met your mother, as I used to, left the flat by 11.50am, as I used
to, ordered up my refill coffee and paid my £1.65 as always, in fact
I don't even have to ask now, they know my routine, they had my mug
waiting for me today when I arrived, as they used to.
I've arrived with my
laptop ready,willing and waiting to write, at my usual table with my
usual drink in my usual mug, then........ nothing
I have nothing to
write, I suddenly don't know who I am or what I'm doing
My fingers flirt with
the keys and hover over them eager to fill another day with
something.
I have gotten so used
to writing, so used to this structure and so used to this daily
deadline that I'm missing it, all of the regular parts are here but
without the inspiration.
I must keep writing, I
have to keep writing, I want to keep writing, something has started
and now I don't feel happy unless I'm telling someone else about it.
I think, this is a good
feeling, I think, this is a good habit, I think, I have wound my
clock up again and I think, I'm moving onwards and upwards
The craziest part about what you're feeling is that there was once a time when you didn't want to write. Or rather, didn't know how to. But of course, now your mind has been flexed, you'll start finding that actually, there is a huge amount to write, a huge amount to share. I look forward to this new blog, this new space in which you start working.
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